Essays de Skyler

Essay by: Dan Moffit WEST SIDERS My essay is entitled "WEST SIDERS" (Why Everyone Should Think Skyler Is Definitely an Equal Rights Supporter). I apologize for the misleading title, but this essay has nothing to do with equal rights, I just liked that acronym. It doesn't take a genius to see that Skyler encompasses more qualities that make him worthy of the title of 'Awesome' than the rest of the population of the world combined. Therefore, it was exceedingly difficult to hone in on a single aspect of Mr. Weaver to accurately represent what makes him so great and save this essay from being nothing more than a simple list of his assets like last year's scholarship application. I believe the delay in submission alone displays just how long and hard I thought about this subject. On a side note, numerous things were long and hard after spending a large quantity of time thinking about Skyler. Due to the nearing end of the introductory paragraph, I believe this is the proper time to proudly and elegantly inform the reader of my thesis statement. Skyler Weaver is awesome. It may not be clear at first glance, but the effectiveness of the simplicity lies in how much easier it will be to prove my point. Skyler's presence can improve a sausage fest. Of course, my first topic sentence appears to make no sense at all, but allow me to explain. A survey of myself and one other guy showed striking results, that 100% of all men believe there are very few males that could liven up a sausage fest (a party or gathering that is predominantly male), and it was unanimous that Skyler is definitely among that highly selective group. Hugh Hefner once said in a recent Weezer music video, "Just don't bring too many dudes." Nine out of ten speech analysts agree that Mr. Hefner clearly implied Skyler would be an acceptable 'dude' and should be brought along with Weezer to the mansion. The definition of the word awesome was developed before Skyler was born. Although this point may seem counter productive to my thesis statement, it is vital to show that although Skyler is awesome, there is no reason to assume that the reverse is true. Awesome is not Skyler, because the concept of awesome was developed years before the concept of Skyler. However, as Skyler evolved, it began to be clear that the previous definition of awesome was growing obsolete and Skyler was becoming awesome. It didn't happen over night like the Pyramids of Egypt or George W. Bush's decision to become president. There was a full weekend of filling out needless paper work and preparing a portfolio of previous titles (in High School, Skyler was radical, and as a pre-teen he was often referred to as tubular). People have been saying for years that they 'wanna be like Skyler.' Throughout many cultures, stories and ancedotes get twisted and changed as they are passed down through generations. Our ancestors from the late 1990's frequently wanted to 'be like Skyler' and the popular slogan became world famous. However, in dire need of publicity and shoe sales, Michael Jordan selfishly managed to corrupt the history books so that our current youth believes that it was more favorable to 'be like Mike.' In fact, throughout Mr. Jordan's entire career, nobody truly wanted to be like him. Skyler, on the other hand, always was the envy of millions of people, and remains to this day one of the largest targets of identity theft. It should be painfully clear at this point that not only is Skyler awesome, but to think otherwise is both unpatriotic and treasonous. There have been awesome people in the past and there will be awesome people in the future, but no one in the present deserves the title more than Skyler Weaver.